This post was originally written on 12/21/17 for subscribers of the daily taryn, a daily email newsletter/writing project . Now's the perfect time to join, so I'll hold while you do so by clicking this. Love u.
I mean, it was friendly slap, but a slap nonetheless.
Today, Kris and I were packing up the car to drive to my parents second home in Palm Springs (we’ll celebrate Christmas and New Years here). It was not the easy, throw your bags in the back and hop in type of packing — it was the kind where you have more bags than there are stars, so you’re playing a giant game of tetris. Once we were finally finished, my sweet dog Buddy decided to run across the street to kiss my neighbor, Grace, a lovely woman in her mid-60’s. I’ve known Grace for 20+ years, so I happily run over to save her from Buddy’s eventual million kisses… Here’s where the slap happened. Now, I’ll give you the actual play by play of the conversation, but I want you to understand how often this exact convo happens. It’s more normal with people who don’t know me well, but rare with people who do… because… you’ll see:
~convo begins~
Grace: Hi Taryn! How are you?!
Taryn, frantically grabbing Buddy: Great!
Grace, wasting no time: Find a boyfriend yet?
Taryn, confused, but not about to dive in: Ah, nope. Not yet!
Grace: *rolls eyes*
Grace: *laughs*
Grace: *slaps Taryn, playfully, like the way your grandma slaps you where it doesn’t hurt at all but also stings for a second*
Taryn: Haha, I’ll tell my parents you say hi!
Taryn: *runs 40 feet to Kristina*
~end convo~
Oh, that kinda "girlfriend"
The funniest thing about this exchange is that I brought Kristina to Grace’s 4th of July party this year, and surely introduced her as my girlfriend. I know my parents refer to her as my girlfriend as well, but unfortunately, “girlfriend” is a weird word.
Watching someone try to figure out what I mean when I say “my girlfriend” is like watching them try to assemble a puzzle with 10 missing pieces.
I’m sorry, did she say girlfriend? Does she mean girlfriend like pal, or girlfriend like omg she’s kissing girls on her free time?? Is she gay? I thought she dated that one boy… but I guess she does like to wear Converse, and hasn’t had a boyfriend in a while…
Because of this, it always feels like I’m coming out to people. I have to say “girlfriend” a few times, then try to find another way to explain it instead of saying “WE JUST KISSED A LOT IN YOUR DRIVEWAY LOL DO YOU NOT GET IT?”
Sometimes you have to show instead of tell. If we know people aren’t getting it (like at a bar or party), Kris will hold my hand or kiss my cheek… and even then, it’s unclear, because sometimes girls hold hands or make out when they’re drunk.
It’s both hilarious and exhausting, but it comes with the territory. If you’re lucky, this rigamarole will only result in your neighbor (who has known you since you were a baby and met your girlfriend multiple times) slapping you and telling you to get a boyfriend.
Also, chills.
Here’s a text my aunt just sent me:
