This post was originally written for subscribers of the daily taryn, a daily-ish newsletter/writing project that is sometimes actually daily (like right now — Taryn is emailing those subs every day for 30 days straight). Now's the perfect time to join, so Taryn will hold while you do so by clicking this. She loves u.
the daily taryn season 3: episode 2
It’s 6:17am and today has already been a rollercoaster. How is that possible? Oh, let me count the ways.
I woke up, turned over to grab my phone and read my emails, and immediately remembered just how unemployed I am. I had two telling emails — one from the EDD telling me to collect my unemployment, and another from a hiring manager telling me I didn’t get the job. I was in the final interview stages and they chose another candidate. That’s fun.
I then woke Cammie up to tell her, had a quick and sleepy chat, then got out of bed to let the pups out to pee. I was lowkey naked and insecure standing there in the backyard awkward and tired and blah.
It was not even 6am at this point. So. GOOD MORNING TARYN!
let’s try this again
So. I got back in bed and sat and wallowed like an angsty teen during a breakup. I thought about Cam’s response to me telling her about the lost job opportunity. I went in pissed and sad and like, “BABE WAKE UP MY WORLD HAS SHATTERED WHILE YOU HAVE SLEPT.” I told her what happened and she simply says, “oh, good. That wasn’t for you and they knew it.”
Hm. That feels good. She just saw it differently. She saw this weird bad sad thing and made it into a small win.
Okay no. Redo. Reset. I will not lose this day to a weird 15 minutes. How about I rewrite my morning, taking the exact same things that happened but looking at them as if they meant something else, then looking extra hard for the small wins in between.
It’s 6:27am and today has already been pretty good. How is that possible? Oh, let me count the ways.
I woke up. That’s exciting. I woke up! Not everyone gets that. After my body’s miraculous feat of keeping me alive through the night, I opened my eyes and turned over to grab my phone that somehow connects me to the whole world on a little baby screen. I read countless emails from my newsletter subscribers (you!!!!) from people all over the globe, and immediately remembered just how grateful I am.
I had a few work-related emails that immediately gave me the shits, but are actually smalls wins. One from the EDD telling me to collect my unemployment, which means woah life is weird and tough right now but the government is paying me to job search and reset and that’s something to celebrate. The other email was from a hiring manager telling me I didn’t get the job. I was in the final interview stages and they chose another candidate. That’s… honestly okay. It wasn’t a perfect fit. I knew that. I hadn’t yet heard about pay or benefits or my day to day, and I still knew it wasn’t a perfect fit. Regardless, after 5+ years at the same company, it felt good to be considered by somewhere new. Sounds like a small win, actually.
Regardless, I felt weird, so I rolled over to wake Cammie up to tell her. Do you even understand what a win that is? To be able to turn over and WAKE SOMEONE UP FROM THEIR SLUMBER, and they aren’t mad… at all? They just… start listening? Like. What. I’ve dated many people that would rather die than have me wake them up with news, regardless of it being good or bad. This perfect little human let me wake her up, tell her about something that happened, and then proceeded to turn a loss into a win.
I am one very, very lucky bitch.
After our very cute sleepy chat, I got out of bed to let the pups out to pee. Small win here was that I got to Riggins before she peed herself or woke me up by crying or shaking her cage or doing the very small things she does every morning that somehow seem massively annoying. Not this morning though. I beat her to the punch. Small win.
I stood in the backyard while Frank and Riggins ran around peeing and smelling and stretching out their sleepy paws. I was lowkey naked and insecure standing there in the backyard. Am I going to reframe the fact that I felt insecure? That I don’t fully love my body right now? No — that wouldn’t be real. But I will find small wins around it, like how cool it is that I have the privacy to let the boobs ride in the backyard and no one can see. Or that I have a body that works and walks and that I can even feel insecure about. That I can do something about it with a routine and focus and a plan, when I feel ready.
I got back in bed, let the dogs up (a true treat in this house), and started writing. Riggins is smelling every inch of this bed, which is both cute and terrifying wondering what she’ll want to chew next. Frank is in his happiest place, laid in between us fully convinced that he’s a human like us. Cam is adorable as always and going back and forth between talking to the pups and showing me pictures of pups on her phone. Showing me… pupdates… if you will.
Riggs has the hiccups now and Cam thinks it’s funny. Riggs looks spooked, which I get. Hiccups would be horrifying if you didn’t know what they were. But there’s a small win here, too. We’re giving her extra love right now. Cam is cuddling her tight, and Riggs is going through a little thing that she may not understand, but going through it will give her yet another little life experience that makes up her days as a growing pup.
It’s not even 7am at this point. So. GOOD MORNING TARYN! And good morning you.
Here’s to hoping you find every little small win this day has to offer. Find it and hold it and celebrate it. It’s worth it.
I can’t thank you enough for reading. If you liked what you read, share it with someone you think would like it too (and tag me!! I wanna see it and melt <3)